Fasting...Faster!

As promised, I have taken three diet pills daily for the past two days and will continue to take them daily henceforth.  Saturday I jogged, today I did a Bob Harper DVD in my living room, and tomorrow I am going to do a Billy Blanks DVD.  I have given these exercises as much effort as I can muster.  I will admit that exercising daily is getting increasingly harder to do.  Maybe this is a result of my low energy levels from fasting over the course of the past couple of days and vomiting and shitting my brains out the days prior. Yesterday I fasted.  Consumed half a cup of black coffee, half a cup of tea, half a diet soda, and two pickles amounting to a whopping zero calories.  Dropped from 101.4 the night of my final binge to 98.6 pounds.  Problem is, I can't seem to get below this.  My weight is stagnant.   This is highly unusual as I drop anywhere from half a pound to a pound daily on average.  I am getting concerned.  However, I also notice that, ironically, you tend to drop less weight and at a slower pace when you are fasting.  It is as though your metabolism slows down and puts a halt to weight loss as a result of your body's starvation.  Therefore, I find that if you eat, even if it's two hundred calories a day, your body will lose weight faster and at a more constant rate as opposed to the periods of time when you are fasting.  However, I must punish myself for my binge.  Purging and overdoing it on the laxatives is no longer a reasonable enough punishment.  Fasting makes it an even worse penance for my sins, and I must make the punishments so horrid that I will try to avoid bingeing as much as possible as a result.  If there is no pain in the punishment, why avoid the undesireable behavior?  Today, I consumed two pickles (0 calories), a cup of tea (0 calories), and caved and ate one tablespoon of fat free cottage cheese, a mushroom with mustard, half of a half of a slice of turkey, a pinch of dried cabbage, and a bite of a lavash wrap.  This probably amounted to a total of around twenty calories, but I can't be sure.  I also crammed a bunch of sugar free cookies into my mouth but spit them out.  Therefore, I didn't do as good today, but I still consider myself to be doing pretty fucking good if I do say so myself.  Tomorrow, I will allow myself a coffee from Starbucks (I will look up nutritional information in advance so as to make a smart choice and plan ahead), no food.  That will basically be a three day fast minus my pickings and the coffee.  But I figure the coffee is still a liquid at least and doesn't count for food per se.

I will start up on 200 calories a day beginning on Tuesday and again, avoid any food that does not come out of my kitchen and my lunch bag.  I am hoping this jump from fasting to two hundred calories a day will jump start my metabolism and I will finally be able to kick this horrendous 98.6 into oblivion.  I feel disgustingly fat and think I look it as well.  Sigh.

As much as I loate and detest bingeing, I can't help planning my next one.  Below are all the foods I would like to consume at present:

1.  Girl Scout cookies.  Especially those chocolate coconut ones and the chocolate peanut butter ones.

2.  Cheesecake Factory cheesecake (any flavor)

3.  Any type of Chex mix or party trail mix.  (The chocolate/powdered sugar Chex mix served cold is to die for.)

4.  Chocolate chip pancakes and/or French toast slathered in butter and syrup.

5.  Toast loaded with butter and jam.

6.  Hot chocolate with whipped cream.

7.  Any type of Keebler Elf cookie.

8.  Celeste pizza.

9.  A Greek salad with grilled chicken, lots of feta, full fat dressing, and a pita pocket.

10.  Clam chowder in a bread bowl.

11.  Nachos loaded with cheese, guacamole, sour cream, salsa, black olives, jalapenos, and grilled chicken (maybe chili).

12.  Clam cakes with tartar sauce.

13.  Fried dough with powdered sugar.  Doughy not crunchy.

14.  Icecream of any flavor or a mixed Blizzard from Friendly's or Mcdonalds.

15.  McDonald's french fries and cheeseburgers.

16.  Pasta.

17.  Chicken Caesar salad.

18.  Stuffed mushrooms.

19.  Spinach artichoke dip with the multi colored tortilla chips.

20.  A pumpkin flavored muffin.

21.  A mudslide from Friday's.

22.  Baklavah.

23.  Spinach pies.

24.  Lamb with Greek rice.

Did I mention the Greek festival is coming up (not next weekend but the weekend after).  That gives me this week and next week to do as good as possible so I can enjoy myself at the festival and eat without purging (as I will be with my family and won't have an opportunity to do so).  I figure if I can make it through these next couple of weeks and do as good as possible, allow myself a normal meal at the Greek festival (this is all I will eat all day), and then go another two weeks, I will allow myself to go to Joe's restaurant and get the clam chowder in a bread bowl, with nachos, crab cakes, a pasta dinner, a caesar salad, and run to the Cheesecake for some more appetizers, cheesecake, and then hit up the grocery store from some chex mix and sweets.  I of course will purge after this and start the cycle anew.  My goal is to be 95 pounds by the end of this week.  I am nervous I will not get there because my weight loss has been so slow.  I am so pissed at myself I slipped on Thursday and Friday seeing as I was 97.4.  I could have allowed myself a nice treat on my birthday and still managed to be low.  I am such a weak, fat cow.  I am burning up right now and am not sure why.  God this sucks.